Did I Just Find Peace?

It is difficult for me to find the time and inspiration to write.

That is just me being honest.

I look forward to when I sit down on Saturday morning and collect my thoughts and life. I sit on my couch with my cat, Hazy, while I sip my coffee out of one of my 30 coffee mugs.

Saturday and Sunday are the only days of the week that I drink my coffee at home. Throughout the week, I pack my coffee in a stainless steel YETI, along with my breakfast and lunch for the day. I eat more meals at work than I do at home.

I am the queen of desk lunches.

My doctor says I need less creamer in my coffee, but the way I make my coffee is perfect for me and the highlight of my morning.

This morning, I did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, swept the deck area, wrote a grocery list, planned meals for the week, and took the recycling out.

Later in the afternoon, after it warmed up outside, I went on a walk on the trails behind my apartment. It was the first time in a long time that a walk brought as much peace as it did.

Normally, I have a demanding purpose for my walks. Whether it’s to walk to pick up dinner, to count that as my exercise on a busy day, or to get my steps in… this time, I noticed I was walking, peacefully.

I stopped in REI and bought an overpriced pair of Patagonia shorts and a snack. I was walking back to my apartment with the sun shining on my face while I was eating the chocolatey snack I bought when I realized I was having a nice time by myself with no intentions.

I was almost back to my apartment when the feeling hit. I didn’t even notice my walk was at the end because I wasn’t distracted.

Like everyone else, I made some goals for myself for the New Year. I tried to think outside the box for mine, so I wasn’t unsuccessful at the same, unreachable resolutions that I came up with last year.

Here we go:

• To be nicer to myself
• Read a book a month
• Stretch more
• Stand up for myself

And last but not least:

• Continue to find what makes me feel good about myself and do more of what makes me happy.

I’ve made so much progress with myself and corrected how I feel.

I started taking an anti-depressant to help with the day-to-day struggles that easily overwhelm me. I stopped considering intense, hard workouts to be the only thing that I consider worth doing and replace them with yoga, stretching, and walks while still including low-impact strength workouts.

At work, I have stopped worrying about what people think about me and focused on doing my job correctly.

I’ve started getting into bed 30 minutes earlier so I can read before bed, instead of watching TV or a movie.

Sleep is so much deeper and I feel refreshed when I wake up.

It’s little things that have relieved so much stress from myself and allowed me to enjoy my presence instead of relying on material things or other peoples’ opinions of me.

It is incredibly refreshing. Hard, but refreshing.

I recommend that everyone takes this same adventure themselves.